


Hold on

by green7silver



Series: The Betsy chronicles [1]
Category: Black Sails
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, ghost story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 17:22:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11235687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/green7silver/pseuds/green7silver
Summary: The problem with being alive was that there was so much you didn´t know. And the problem with being dead was that you did know everything but couldn´t do anything about it. And Miranda didn´t know which was aggravating her more.





	Hold on

Hold on

The problem with being alive was that there was so much you didn´t know. And the problem with being dead was that you did know everything but couldn´t do anything about it. And Miranda didn´t know which was aggravating her more.

Learning that Thomas hadn´t died in Bethlem was beautiful, but that there was no possibility to let know James drove her crazy.

Thomas was only a few days away and James still sank deeper into the darkness. She had known, that he had been angry, when she was still alive, but only now, in death she could see the whole account of his anger.

Not that it had been immensely satisfying to watch Charlestown burn or Peter choking on his own blood, but what came afterward was painful to witness.

James was thriving in one suicidal action after another and pulling his men into them as well.  Miranda spent hours to yell at him, without him hearing her of course. She even entered his dreams, but James, being James, ignored anything he didn´t want to hear.

Each day he seemed to sink deeper into his despair until the point he was ready to scarify himself for his crew. Miranda wanted to scream, preparing for the worst. But then he was saved by someone completely unexpected.

She hadn´t paid much attention to James´ quartermaster before, not before he talked James out of dying in the maroon camp.

But after that she watched closely as the reluctant ally became a strange mixture between confidante and protégé, the first person James told about Thomas, since they had left England.

She noticed as well the attraction that grew between them, an attraction which the beautiful maroon princess rather intensified than diminished. No, it was seemed rather to be Thomas to stand between them than Madi.

Because James was still bound to Thomas with a tight rope. He might not act open suicidal any more, but that didn´t mean he was ready to live again either.

He didn´t stop at wanting back Nassau, something she would have understood, it had become their home after all.

 No, now he wanted to free the whole new world. Hadn´t Hennessy been decorated for obliterating a slave rebellion somewhere in the Caribbean, with both the unofficial help of France and Spain, because neither country had want this rebellion to spread on their territory? Did James really expect that either France or Spain or Portugal would tolerate a slave revolution at their doorstep, if England wasn´t strong enough to end it itself?

Should not James of all people know that they couldn’t win? She saw Thomas idealism behind this war, but also James´ wrath and despair.

And first of all she saw no way it wouldn´t end in a bloodbath for James, the pirates, the maroons, the slaves. How could he endanger so many lives so easily?

And she could do nothing to save him.  She could only watch, as John Silver made an impossible choice in an impossible situation – to betray the people he loved in order to save them.

Seeing Thomas and James embrace for the first time in ten years was the most beautiful moment in her afterlife... She never would have got tired of watching them together, seeing how they were relearning themselves.

But she had something or better someone else to worry about.

She was more than thankful to John Silver for all he had done. For ending this destructive war, for saving James to drown in his darkness, more than once, and for reuniting the two lost loves of her live.

But also she knew how much it has cost him. Not only being forced to betray the people he loved most. But everything.  She could see that past he hadn´t been able to reveal to James as easily as her own. And she understood.

A man, who had cared about no one but himself all his life, who had never had the chance to get attached to anyone or anything,  had ended in a position, where so many depended on him and he couldn´t even save them.

He was hurting so much. He missed James and Madi so much, he was choking on all this lies, he felt guilty towards them and as well to the men, who had died in their war.

And he was on the verge of doing what had he done in each phase of his life – running. Running away from anything  and anyone.

And Miranda couldn´t allow that to happen. She wished she could send James to him or Thomas – Thomas probably would even be able coax his story out of him.  But she couldn´t.

But she could reach out into his dreams. Could find him in a state between sleep and wakefulness. Maybe he was a better listener than James.

She found John Silver on the rocks on Maroon Island, where James had given him the fighting lessons. He laid uncomfortably on the grass, probably having fallen asleep while looking longingly over the ocean.

But he was not alone. Another  ghostly figure  was sitting beside him. An old man with gray hair and scowl on his face was stroking through the black curls. She dimly recognized him as another member of James ‘old crew.

Miranda sat down beside Silver on the other side and touched him. The contact brought her in his dreamscape. There were still in the same place, this time in broad daylight.

Silver looked adoringly confused and blinked from one to another. “Randall? Mrs. Barlow? Am I dead?”

“No, stupid, you´re just dreaming.” The old man explained. “But that doesn´t mean we aren´t here. Even when I’m dead, you make me worry.”

“I´m fine.” The denial was so automatic, it reminded of James. But neither she nor Randall was buying it.

“The hell you are, falling asleep in the middle of the island.” The older man scolded.

“Did I do the wrong thing?” there was heartbreak in his voice.

“No, you didn´t. But you are on the verge to do the wrong thing right now, “ Randall said brutally. “There are things, from which you can´t run away.”

“I´m not running, “ Silver protested.

“But you are thinking about it.” Miranda forced him to look at her. “Don´t tell me, you aren´t thinking of leaving everything behind. The Island, Madi, each remembrances of James, John Silver, being a pirate. You want to run to invent a new you, like you have done so often in your life.”

John swallowed and nodded slowly. “I´m not sure anymore, whether it is worth fighting for it. Whether I´m worth to fighting for it.”

Good, he was beautiful, when he bat his lashes in insecurity. Really, if she had known which impact he would have on James ‘life Miranda would have paid more attention to him.  Maybe she could have persuaded them to a ménage a trois once or twice.

But it was too late for it now. And so she just bent down to kiss him.

“You can´t run from this life, like from the others before.  This one will haunt you forever, “ she told him. “I know, that you are in pain. But please hold on. You can make it. Please promise me, that you don´t give up.”

“Why is that so important to you?”

“Because you are important, John. And don´t forget that.”

“She is right. You need to do that now,” Randall told him gruffly. “This time there is no easy way out, without losing an even bigger part of you than your damned leg.”

Silver finally sighed and nodded.

“Good boy”, Randall gave him a half hug and John leaned into it. “I miss you, you old fool.”

“Me too, you young liar. And if you really want to do me a favor, find my Betsy. She is total alone on this strange island.”

“I´ll try.”

“Be strong and don´t forget that you can do it,” Miranda kissed him again, costing the sweetness of his lips.

***

Silver woke up in the morning, feeling sore and cold after sleeping on the ground. What a weird dream that had been.

Still the intensity of Mrs. Barlow request kept haunting him as he made the way to the little stream to wash his face.

A strange little sound startled him and when he looked up, he saw small well-known feline vanish into the bushes.

“Betsy,” he knew he would have to hunt her down now. Randall wanted that he kept her safe after all.

**Author's Note:**

> It´s unbetaed, so please don´t mind the mistakes. I still search for a beta, who would be willing to help me with my writing.


End file.
